Learning To Live

Past months I've caught up with gym, marathons, work, work and more work. Its amazing how we can get so caught up with the moment and "just do it" for every request or whim that we receive. During the past months I've probably disregarded by knees, legs, ankles, hair, face... such physical features have ever since served no purpose or importance to me - they're just like a slight nuisance on physicality. They've never been top priority to me, compared to those who meticulously groom themselves to appear presentable. They're, in my book, what I call vanities that as being human, we can do away with.

Until each and everyone of the people I know started saying how haggard I looked. How dark circles have formed under my eyes. How thin I've become, and not in a healthy way. How I have amazing panda eyes, and at least a hundred pimple scars on my face.

These are the first indications of wear and tear. What's more, I can sometimes imagine my hamstrings and knees internally bleeding after a rough day's workout. How my shoulders would continuously start popping every 5 minutes without me meaning to have them pop. How I would start feeling like doozing off while I worked away in the office. How inflexible I have become. How my knees would be sore when I was merely sitting in my office desk, and how the back of my knees would sting every time my skirt would lightly brush against it while walking. Its deterioration to an almost god-awful degree, and yet, here I am still pushing myself.

Someone told me I had to take care. I looked a lot older than my age now, and this is considering only 6 months back, someone at the gym mistakenly thought I was a university student, instead of a late twenties yuppie.

It was a transformation to the highest degree... and I look at myself in the mirror, and think "I need some downtime. Look at the pitiful state that I've become."

A few examples in life makes sense. A handful of them look selfish on the surface. I've always thought to not take a free seat when getting on a subway, if and when its available. But I also found it to be wrong if I see an old, aging man standing on the same subway train because no one had the thought of giving up their seat for them. Sometimes you have to be selfish to do the things you want to do - I take any free seat available now, in the hopes that if in case an elderly walks into the train, I have the choice to give my seat, instead of hoping that someone else who has the seat to offer theirs. Empowerment can be as small as taking the next free seat.

I'm an idealistic person. If I could make the world a better place, I would, no matter stupid or silly it may sound. But being tired isn't going to empower me to do the things that matter to me... Life never waits for anyone, its just a set of opportunities for those who would want to grab them, and I can't be caught sleeping, tired, disabled or unable when the opportunity comes knocking by.

Maybe appearances aren't entirely vanity, after all. I have to take care of myself. Knowing this should be part of the solution, and I have a long way to go to reverse six months worth of deterioration that has added ten years to my face.

And maybe, hopefully.. the next time I look in the mirror, I can get the chance to see that smiling, beaming university student again.

But first off - good sleep. Its quite late. ^_^

How Strange!

Normally, my nephew would come into my room and mess up my CD collection. He opens up the cases, and scatters them all over the floor. Its a pain, but then, that's ok. He's a kid.

Today I bought a CD soundtrack of Billy Elliot the movie. It was playing when my nephew came in. I thought, "oh no, he's going to mess it all up again...." but I took him up and placed him on my lap and in front of the computer while one of the songs from the CD was playing.

There's two things that he would usually do: say "ABC..." which is one of those children computer games that play the alphabet, and another would be, like I said, mess up my CDs. The CDs were all clearly in front of the table.

To my surprise, he did neither.

With the music coming out of my very nice Altec Lansing speakers to the song of Stephen Gately's I Believe, he just sat there and suprisingly, ..... started listening. A two and a half year old, appreciating pop music that's he's just only heard once?

How strange! .. and interesting. :)

Gym Progress 27

Contrary to what you may calculate, the running log with the "speed" label may seem grossly slower than my Sunday park run, but please consider that the time also includes the warm up (I'm lazy) .. probably somewhere between 3-5 minutes at the start ^_^

I think I will have to reschedule my park runs to some other day than Sunday... my legs are practically dead after my regular classes.

Tue (ISM): Stanley
Wed (ISM): Grace
Thu (HL,ASM): Bibi
Fri (IHL, ASM): Bibi, Bibi
Sat (ISM,ISM): Calvin, Steve
Sun(SM, HL, ASM): Suzette, Bibi, Bibi

Running log:
Sat(T):~3.18@22:5mins (speed)
Sun(P):~7km@45mins

Gym Progress 26

I'd go for a marathon then. See how much I can push myself. Anyway, its a year away.. just enough time for me to learn all that I can about how to train for different types of training - tempo runs, speedwork, hill whatnots... Actually, I have no idea what they are. I just read them in a running magazine. ^_^

Last Saturday for Calvin's class it was really fun. We spent 30 minutes learning the basic moves, and then he suggested to do a parallel circle train thingie. Kors there was the outer circle, and then there was the inner circle.. where err.. I joined in. There was probably around 7 of us in the inner circle.And uhm... messed around I suppose. But I kinda got it afterwards. And first time I actually had to interact with Calvin... it was quite funny.. I suppose I was one of the two girls in the inner circle, and the rest were guys, and I was trying so hard not to hit any of them (I could follow) because you know how guys are... they're huge giants. And no sense of decency... hahaha they just give it all they got - and poor me, I was trying very hard not to bump into any of them.

Sunday? My knees were very, very, VERY dead.

Mon (SM): Steve
Wed (ISM): Grace
Thu (HL,ASM): Bibi, Bibi
Fri (IHL, ISM, ASM): Bibi, Stanley, Bibi
Sat (ISM,ISM,BB): Calvin, Steve, Steve
Sun(SM, HL, ASM, IHL): Suzette, Bibi, Bibi, Bibi

Running log:
Wed(T):7.5km@~60min
Sat(T):~2.5@22mins (speed),3.2km@23.5mins (speed)
Sun(P):~8km@55mins

Interesting Speedwork Training

I just read this article from Runners World magazine about training for speed. In fact, I'm been immersing myself in running magazines a week before the marathon, and they're all quite interesting.

Back to the speed training. It suggested to increase your pacing at certain intervals (e.g. 10-20 seconds) in between the regular "easy" jog at least 5 times during the training run. So, for example, the scenario:

• you run at an easy pace, then
• switch to the enhanced pacing - the definition was imagine that you are running over hot coals - for 15 seconds.
• revert back to 20-30 seconds of easy jogging
• repeat the hot coals run again for 15 seconds.
• Do this at least 5 times
• if you can do it, increase the hot coals section to 20 seconds,
• then revert back to 20-30 seconds of easy jogging
• repeat 5 more times

In fact, yesterday was the first time that I've tried this tactic, and I'm pleased to say it works quite well with a treadmill. The increased pacing was slightly holding me back - I can't very well run into and over the front of the treadmill - so when I increased the distance/time, I was coping much better. The enhanced pacing now apply to the increased speed, and without holding back. This makes the jogging feel a whole lot easier. Normally my maximum speed setting is 9.0, but yesterday I was able to set it up to 9.4. Well, I was already putting up an effort at 9.4, but it was still sustainable for a minute or so. But at the 9.3 setting, it was an ok pace for me.

Cool. I should read more running magazines from now on.

Post Marathon Thoughts (1)

Should I start training for a half marathon, or a faster 10k?

After my 73 minute run for the 10k, and seeing that I was slacking off during the last 3 km, I would like to target for a 55/50minute 10k run.

But I want to also run for a half marathon. Maybe timing myself at 2:15 or 2:00, howsthat?

I've started to run at the gym recently, just to ride on the exercise that I got during last Sunday (my whole leg hurt). At the moment I have 1 year to train up... that should be a lot of time.

Half marathon, or 10km again?

I need to read up on popular literature about this. Maybe I'll have some sort of definitive goal after a week.

Gym Progress 25

Busy week... I'd also say recovery week for the first half. Recovering from the marathon. And then it got really busy from there onwards.

I ran for 15-20 minutes for all three days... Trying to see how fast I can go on a treadmill in preparation for next year's marathon ^_^. Trying to capitalize on the warm up that I get for each aerobics session that I go to.

Fri (IHL, ASM): Bibi, Bibi
Sat (ISM): Steve
Sun(SM, HL, ASM): Suzette, Bibi, Bibi

Standard Chartered Marathon Results 2007

Fine, the website is way too busy to access the results right now.

RESULTS (2007)

Position

Cate-gory*

Race no.

English Name

Chinese Name

Country

Time

Overall*

Gender

Cate-gory

Official

Chip

10km*

Half Way *

30km*

4461

593

309

TFS

91052

TIU CLAIRE

Philippines

1:13:41

1:12:31

N/A

N/A

N/A

I was curious how far back I was in the list of overall, gender and race categories. Here' the numbers:

Gender (Women):
Junior 63
Senior 575 (309 place)
Master1 293
Master2 117
Run1 2156
Run2 4380
TOTAL 7584 (593 place)

Gender (Men):
Junior 244
Senior 2408
Master1 1184
Master2 765
Run1 3752
Run2 4955
TOTAL 13308

Total Overall 20892 (4461 place)

So, statistically speaking, my ranking was ok? Not really exceptional... hahaha. But that will teach me to not leisurely walk and look around while running a 10k marathon. ROFL.

Gym Progress 24

Tiring week... not because of gym, but because there were a lot of work related stuff needed to be done. As you can see, there's not much to look for, except for that nice asterisk at the end of Sunday... you'll see in one of my posts if you follow the link. *wink*

Mon (SM): Michelle
Tue (IHL, ISM): Bibi, Lok
Fri (IHL): Bibi
Sun* (IHL, SM, HL, ASM): Suzette, Suzette, Bibi, Bibi

Apprehension

Finally... after so much dreaming and aspiring, I've finally done what needed to be done - my first step towards a goal I'd crazily come up, not knowing if I can do it or not.

Recap, for those of you not in the know...
The goal started a little over a year ago...
And then another mention a year later...
And finally... better be late than never... a trial training. The one and only time.

And then, finally it came. Its not a full fledged contest, but its a start. I wouldn't have dreamed of attempting something like this a few years ago, but when the day came, I had to do it. No going back.

I was scared sh*tless three days before the event. I've never tried doing it before. Not at that length. Not continuously in one practice session. Probably a few spurts here and there when I actually went jogging, but not the full length for that event. I was scared I wouldn't be able to finish it... I was apprehensive of deciding to just give up at the middle, and lose face because all the others were able to do it. Kids. Parents. Less physically fortunate people. Granddaddies. All I had was a goal, a hope, and an aspiration that somehow, all those gym sessions would pay off. An idea that I could and would be able to do it, despite all odds. Despite the one and only training 1 week before. Despite the fact that I didn't prepare for it at all, and hope against hope that all that jumping, turning, twisting, moving and skittering across the gym aerobics floor for 4-hours a day, 12 hours a week, would somehow help.

It didn't make things better that the one and only time I trained for it, my shins hurt so bad for a few days, I thought it would never heal when the actual day arrived. And before that, on a Thursday the week before, my left calf froze up on me from out of the blue, and left me slightly limping for a week. And exactly a week before, immediately a day after my first and only training, I had to deal with work that had me going on and on without sleep for 48 hours. Or the long nights that continued on afterwards because work was so overloaded. I was totally deprived of good sleep. One day before the event, I had to work the whole day. How am I supposed to be at my optimal best?

Who wouldn't be scared when everything wrong seemed to be coming my way as the day approached?

I couldn't sleep that night, even though I hit the sack at ten in the evening. I was worried, I was excited. I was apprehensive. I woke up at midnight. At three in the morning. And every few minutes after that. I kept thinking.. its time to get up. I had 3 or 4 different dreams that night, even though I couldn't continuously sleep.

Finally, I gave up and woke at 4. I put on my new shirt, my old gear, laced my trusty and only running shoes, remembered to bring my HKID card, my number badge and my music player. I skittered over down the building and grabbed a small size malt soy bean milk to have something for my stomach so early in the morning. The weather was cool, but not cold enough to freeze me while wearing my sleeveless running shirt. I took the subway... and the whole carriage, at 4:20am, was filled with participants joining the same event. Everyone was wearing their chipsets. Some looked amateurish. Some looked professional, some looked inconspicuous. And all I can think of is,

"Will I be able to make it to the finish line?"

Anticipation

I got to Tsim Sha Tsui, the destination starting point for the first of my end games. At 4:50 in the morning, the place was starting to get packed. The streets were damp due to rain the night before, but it wasn't raining now. There was just a slight, innocent drizzle and a fresh blowing wind across the area.

I did what I had to do, pre-race. My physiotherapist taught me that. My gym instructors pounded that in. If I can't finish this race, I could at least make sure that I can get out of the game unscathed and uninjured.

Beforehand, I met up with my manager who had joined the race a year before. His best time then was 55 minutes. But that didn't matter. I wasn't about do something silly like beating his record... I never was a competitor in the first place. I've always tried my best to work with people, not compete with them (unless they intentionally do something bad to others). It wasn't a competition against others. It wasn't about losing face if my manager was faster than I was, even though it seemed like I worked out regularly far more than he did. It was all about me beating myself in my own game.

Everything was about breaking down my preconcieved notions. More often than not, it was always easier for me to put myself down, than up. It was easier for me to believe in others than in myself. Circumstances always stop me. I make excuses for myself if I never achieve my goals. A lot of people put me down. But I also let them put me down. Is there anything that I can't do to make myself sink deeper in that wallowing, self deprecating state that was so signature of myself when allowed the chance to express myself sincerely?

Then it was time. This was it. My chance to see if I can flex my emotional confidence in myself... just to be able say and believe it when I say, "I ain't THAT bad, after all."

We went to the starting line 15 minutes before the actual start time. Lots of people. Excitement was running high amongst the people around me. The organizers started to talk. To prep us all for what's coming. And everyone was enjoying it. And happy. at 5:30 in the morning. It was infectious. We were all clapping. Cheering. And, hoping that we could all start running.

And then a few seconds later, countdown. And then we were all off.

Exhilaration

At first it was a slow run. In fact, I wouldn't even call it a run. I wouldn't even call it a brisk walk. We were all a snail pace and shoulder to shoulder against each other and walking a bit faster than normal, but that was it. And then, after the first 200 meters, we were all running.

People scrambling left and right. Kids running around really fast with their pent up energy and youthful enthusiasm, hoping to make it to the finish line before their classmates. Teenagers jogging alongside their best friends, running friends, most likely made a wager on who would finish first. More mature people starting and sticking at their own pace, on their own good time, with their own style, steady and anchored, like how most mature people their age do, and have acquired during their years - with their own opinions, strategies and styles to beat themselves and others at this game.

And me, hoping against hope that I will be able to make it through this race in one piece.

I ran the best way that I know how. Keep up pace with everyone, but still keeping myself back when seeing people who were steadily distancing the gap between me and them. I didn't push, because I knew, if I pushed myself now, I will never make it to the finish line. My voice teacher have occasionally said and stressed, in singing, it was all about breath management. I don't think he realized, that in a race like this, the same principle also applied.

I ran. We all ran. 1km, 2km, 3km. And then, the dreaded tunnel.

It was damp, claustrophobic, and the air quite dead. It took most of my stamina to get past the place, but halfway through the tunnel, I started getting cramps. Serious ones that happen when you've exerted too much effort without letting the body warm up enough to get a steady pace. The dead air didn't help. So I stopped. I didn't push. I knew if I did, it will be the end of it. I slowed down my pace and started walking carefully. Early on in the race, I've already seen a few people injured and across the pavement, with medics on alert that day attending to them. I didn't want to be one of those people. But my cramps really hurt, and it took all my effort to even just walk upright. I thought, never mind if all the people around me are still running strong while I'm one of the few people who are walking along. Even if those people walking are middle aged men, and I was a young looking youthful woman. I should be in my top shape, but irregardless, I was walking. Who cares. My cramps are killing me.

Honestly? I was scared sh*tless that THAT was the end of it. I've jogged several times to know that when the cramps hit me, it was all over. I always gave up, cooled down, and headed home. If I even attempted to run with some bit of cramp, they always get back to me full blown after a few meters. The same cramps were the ones that I was avoiding in the first place... the one thing that would stop me from finishing the race. I could always push myself if I was really tired. I could put my mind to it and ignore the fatigue, and if my knees or legs were numb, I would just ignore them and go on. I had a huge tolerance for pain in that sense, but the cramps would be the worst. It would be the thing that would signal a game over. I was already thinking of approaching someone to tell them to walk me to the next medic station so I can take a rest. Yes, things got THAT bad.

But there it was, a breeze at the end of the tunnel. A whiff of fresh air. It took me a few minutes to enjoy that, and to realize that... the cramps were suddenly gone.

That's when I flew.

Past everyone that was still remaining in the game. I was going forward, up and down the flyover, incline and decline without breaking a sweat. Or hyperventilating. There was no more thinking about breath management. In the past, I told myself constantly that the key to finishing this race is to get my rhythm right. And at that point, my rhythm was one that I would never soon forget.

It was effortless.

It might sound like I'm bragging at the moment, but I'm not. I'm just saying, it was the greatest feeling in the world. At that point, there was only one feeling. Exhilaration. You knew for some strange reason that you could conquer the world, (the race anyway) if you wanted to. The sky was starting to fill with colors, and reds, oranges and blues were starting to appear. The wind was blowing against my face. I used to think inclines were the worst, but I wasn't even thinking about it when I was jogging up. I ran past most of the people, and I still didn't feel like I was winding down.

Hahaha... but the bad part about it, is that at some time near the finish line, I did stop. I knew the finish line was near, so 2 km before the finish line, I started slowing down to look at the people around me. I took water breaks when there was one, I looked around for familiar faces, looked at the buildings, the spectators, the coordinators.. everything except the marathon.

What a slice of my personality. I finally got to the end, jogging leisurely with the appearance of looking nice and proper at the finish line. Vain? Yes. And yes, I finally crossed the finish line.

Then I had a banana, a sports drink and a few additional swags of water. And of course, a few stretches to wrap up the game.

"Click me! I did it!"

What a fantastic experience. I think I can do half marathon next year. I have one year to train now... and this time, I will do it without fear.

And when people ask me about the marathon, I say: "I did 10km, the shortest. But I'm proud to have made it in one piece... I finished it!"