Anticipation

I got to Tsim Sha Tsui, the destination starting point for the first of my end games. At 4:50 in the morning, the place was starting to get packed. The streets were damp due to rain the night before, but it wasn't raining now. There was just a slight, innocent drizzle and a fresh blowing wind across the area.

I did what I had to do, pre-race. My physiotherapist taught me that. My gym instructors pounded that in. If I can't finish this race, I could at least make sure that I can get out of the game unscathed and uninjured.

Beforehand, I met up with my manager who had joined the race a year before. His best time then was 55 minutes. But that didn't matter. I wasn't about do something silly like beating his record... I never was a competitor in the first place. I've always tried my best to work with people, not compete with them (unless they intentionally do something bad to others). It wasn't a competition against others. It wasn't about losing face if my manager was faster than I was, even though it seemed like I worked out regularly far more than he did. It was all about me beating myself in my own game.

Everything was about breaking down my preconcieved notions. More often than not, it was always easier for me to put myself down, than up. It was easier for me to believe in others than in myself. Circumstances always stop me. I make excuses for myself if I never achieve my goals. A lot of people put me down. But I also let them put me down. Is there anything that I can't do to make myself sink deeper in that wallowing, self deprecating state that was so signature of myself when allowed the chance to express myself sincerely?

Then it was time. This was it. My chance to see if I can flex my emotional confidence in myself... just to be able say and believe it when I say, "I ain't THAT bad, after all."

We went to the starting line 15 minutes before the actual start time. Lots of people. Excitement was running high amongst the people around me. The organizers started to talk. To prep us all for what's coming. And everyone was enjoying it. And happy. at 5:30 in the morning. It was infectious. We were all clapping. Cheering. And, hoping that we could all start running.

And then a few seconds later, countdown. And then we were all off.