Learning To Live

Past months I've caught up with gym, marathons, work, work and more work. Its amazing how we can get so caught up with the moment and "just do it" for every request or whim that we receive. During the past months I've probably disregarded by knees, legs, ankles, hair, face... such physical features have ever since served no purpose or importance to me - they're just like a slight nuisance on physicality. They've never been top priority to me, compared to those who meticulously groom themselves to appear presentable. They're, in my book, what I call vanities that as being human, we can do away with.

Until each and everyone of the people I know started saying how haggard I looked. How dark circles have formed under my eyes. How thin I've become, and not in a healthy way. How I have amazing panda eyes, and at least a hundred pimple scars on my face.

These are the first indications of wear and tear. What's more, I can sometimes imagine my hamstrings and knees internally bleeding after a rough day's workout. How my shoulders would continuously start popping every 5 minutes without me meaning to have them pop. How I would start feeling like doozing off while I worked away in the office. How inflexible I have become. How my knees would be sore when I was merely sitting in my office desk, and how the back of my knees would sting every time my skirt would lightly brush against it while walking. Its deterioration to an almost god-awful degree, and yet, here I am still pushing myself.

Someone told me I had to take care. I looked a lot older than my age now, and this is considering only 6 months back, someone at the gym mistakenly thought I was a university student, instead of a late twenties yuppie.

It was a transformation to the highest degree... and I look at myself in the mirror, and think "I need some downtime. Look at the pitiful state that I've become."

A few examples in life makes sense. A handful of them look selfish on the surface. I've always thought to not take a free seat when getting on a subway, if and when its available. But I also found it to be wrong if I see an old, aging man standing on the same subway train because no one had the thought of giving up their seat for them. Sometimes you have to be selfish to do the things you want to do - I take any free seat available now, in the hopes that if in case an elderly walks into the train, I have the choice to give my seat, instead of hoping that someone else who has the seat to offer theirs. Empowerment can be as small as taking the next free seat.

I'm an idealistic person. If I could make the world a better place, I would, no matter stupid or silly it may sound. But being tired isn't going to empower me to do the things that matter to me... Life never waits for anyone, its just a set of opportunities for those who would want to grab them, and I can't be caught sleeping, tired, disabled or unable when the opportunity comes knocking by.

Maybe appearances aren't entirely vanity, after all. I have to take care of myself. Knowing this should be part of the solution, and I have a long way to go to reverse six months worth of deterioration that has added ten years to my face.

And maybe, hopefully.. the next time I look in the mirror, I can get the chance to see that smiling, beaming university student again.

But first off - good sleep. Its quite late. ^_^