A "Brief" Word on Explanations
Its been more than half a year since I've written down any resemblance to a post in this blog. In fact, you've also probably noticed that the gym session posts have dwindled down - to tell you the truth, that was a bit worrying, even for me. So, "What happened?"
My significant other says I explain too much. "There's no such need to explain. No one cares. No one bothers. No one listens." (surprise, surprise)
But on many occasions, I find myself unable to stop the urge... for me, its slightly bordering to the abnormal, sickness range of the spectrum. Its like an obsessive compulsive habit that needs to be satisfied. It will not let go until the need has been filled. It will haunt for hours and hours, and sometimes on occasion, days, until all is well and done.
Why the need for explanations? To clarify oneself. The eagerness to be understood. To connect. To make known to others what your next big bright idea might be. To make sure there are no misunderstandings. To prevent fights. To share what is of good to those affected and common to all.
At least, that's what we want our explanations to become. That which clarifies, solidifies and unites.
In reality, sometimes things become much stranger than how they should be. The more we try to explain ourselves, the more of us are revealed - the stranger we become - just because we're such the "celebrated individuals" that we pride ourselves to be. In other cases, the more explanations are conveyed, the more we are misunderstood because of the context that we assume others also operate in; in the opposite scenario, it is because of the context others assume we are in, reflecting their own assumptions on us. Or maybe we are just lacking in our words and vocabulary - we're stunted with how we write, talk or express ourselves. Or maybe, the more we explain, the more transparent we become - likely spoke out things in more ways than what we just thought we've just said.
Sometimes the cracked stone will begin as a trickle, pressure builds up, and the trickle progresses to a leak, the leak becomes a flow, and before anyone is aware, the dam's already broke and everyone is submerged under water.
Some people explained, and they were stoned. They were sentenced to death. But really, things that are just better left unsaid... they're precisely the ones that just can't stay unsaid. Can't decide? Say you flip a coin for it, and maybe decided to go to the opposite direction (the "non-explanation").
And thus, enters the action we call a lie. Or if you'd like to be more faithful to your well intentioned meaning, let's call it a white lie.
I quite apologize for the depressing downturn of a post this turned out to be. It does come off as pessimistic, some others might call it "being realistic". For my avid readers (those few handful of you who actually check this site, my gratitude!) it does not necessarily stop me from being disgustingly idealistic, while still being aware that its really not as easy to get to that "ideal" state. Remember, I'm bordering obssessive compulsive. I'm meant to be stubborn and mule headed. My nature does not permit me to change so easily, and I will likely stay stuck in quite a stupid and naive idea, even if everyone, even myself, says its against all odds.
So, the question is, "What happened to me?"
Probably you'll see soon enough in the next few entries. Following the flow of this post, "Thoughts need to be articulated, ideas need to be expressed." Maybe I shouldn't find it hard to put in a word or two in the next few days. OR, most likely I'll probably be ranting for the next few days.
That is, before someone throws a wrench or a hammer on my head.
posted by cstiu @ 12:56 AM
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