Gym Progress 39

I seem to be running low on batteries these days. My head's not moving as much as I'd like them to be, and I've been constantly missing on certain parts of certain blocks - most of which I would easily catch on early in the game. Quite strange. Maybe its just because I'm a bit tired and out of direction these days.

I posed a question to a couple of people about life ambitions, and found out that not quite a lot of people have directions, or I guess if they do, they seem to be having a hard time going about explaining it. These days its either thoughts of Bibi, and doesn't help that during Monday, I hear Calvin, one of the regular instructors I attend to on Saturdays, have resigned (It was a false alarm, as I found out later in the week). These job related things seem to be hammering in my head and thoughts, and for once, I have to stop and think what's the point... I guess that's not really a good sign.

Mon (BP,SM): Stephanie,Steve
Thu (ASM,HY): Bibi, Louisa
Fri (IHL, ISM,ASM): Bibi,Lok,Bibi
Sat (SM,ISM): Bibi, Steve
Sun(IHL,SM, HL, ISM): Suzette,Suzette, Bibi, Bibi

...

Seems orchestral and classical music will be temporarily saving me from my up-and-down-and-up moods these days. I've been terribly unstable, and it doesn't help that I feel lousy and have been starting to tend to a growing paunch. Gym isn't helping that much, and I've been constantly been growing more and more frustrated with myself.

I think its a psychological matter, plus the fact that I've been already been burned out for weeks now. I'm probably just a faintly glowing ember at the moment, trying its best to keep the light up despite the situation. But I've got no wind to fan me to fire up again, and a breather is what I really need these days. But where to find the time, that's quite a question. And a bigger question would be, Am I really at the right place, anyways?

I could stay in my present place for quite a time, but if I'm just at the wrong jungle and hacking away towards an unplanned goal that neither seems there or appropriate to my calling, what then? Do I just stupidly go ahead and hope that things will be better for me? And yet, I don't know WHERE I should be going.

A freshening up is in order... but I wonder these days, Where and when can I take a breather? The only right thing I know is that at least I know I am with the right significant other, but it doesn't help that he's in another country. With the faintly weak ember that's lighting up my determination these days, I just have to hope, and keep on asking when we can see each other again... at least I know when I'm with him, in that aspect of my life, I am in the right direction. None feels much better in a tornado of confusion than knowing that there is a corner in your life that is stable and right... I think I just need to spend some time with him. It may be a shot in the dark to hope that it will help the situation with the other aspects in my life... but a good place to start is as good as any now, with my head constantly blank and my mind wandering everywhere.

It has gotten to the point where I have started to constantly conduct some sort of dialogue with myself all the time during the day... about crazy rotten things such as inappropriate songs, other people's inane sense of fashion, the excruciating heat that gets to my head with the blasted humid weather. Totally off direction and totally going nuts.

And, lets not forget the nails. We all know what happens to my nails when I'm going through these kind of states..... *sigh*

I guess I've hit rock bottom. Well, at least so far that I think so. I just keep telling myself there's no way but up in any case...

Gym Progress 38

Yes, resting week. Quite obvious with this week's schedule. Why? well, see the previous week. Bad ankles hurting a lot. It also doesn't help that I needed to tend to some urgent family matters last Thursday. Despite the fact that I took a day off then, and was able to attend the 17:30 Hilo class, it was quite a gloomy event all in all. Quite depressing and such a downturn.

Thu (HL,ASM,HY): Bibi, Bibi, Louisa
Fri (ASM): Bibi
Sat (SM,ISM): Bibi, Jason
Sun(IHL,SM, ISM): Suzette, Suzette, Lok

Gym Progress 37

Surprise, my schedule's really messed up these days.

Wednesday was on a Star Cruise Pieces. I promised Hiro no gym until Friday (but failed miserably on the Thursday) due to my right ankle problem. Saturday ankle still hurting and was making a mess in Steve's class. Sunday the ankle pain was a bit acute, but still bearable.. until a point in the afternoon when I eventually I gave up - 10 minutes before the end of the Bibi step class, I stopped and just left. Its not my right ankle anymore.. its both. Definitely a wakeup call. I really AM not a superwoman with these knees and legs of mine. I guess some people are lucky to have no problems with their knees, but even with my relatively young age, I can't pretend I can do as much anymore. I'd probably be only killing myself.

The only nice thing about the whole ankle incident was the fact that Hiro gave me a couple of "cooling" pads. It was a very nice thought... It reminded me how understanding some people really are, and that I should learn from them.

Well in any case, I thoroughly enjoyed my break by spending time with the family and getting more rest than before, and, would you believe.. pimples don't pop up THAT often anymore.

Thu (ASM,HY): Bibi, Louisa
Fri (IHL, ISM,ASM): Bibi, Jason,Bibi
Sat (SM,ISM): Bibi,Steve
Sun(ISM, HL, ISM): Lok, Bibi, Bibi