Nightmare #1

Im not a particularly religious person. Technically, I'm a Catholic, I was baptized when I was a baby. My parents are Buddhists. They regularly go on their religious trips, and I tag along, to accompany them, enjoy the scenery, as well as help handle all the extra baggages they intend to carry if I don't come along. I have 3 sibs, and I'm not sure what exactly they believe in. I'm pretty much as ignorant towards religion as you can get when it comes to beliefs and practices. But I do believe there's some sort of higher power up there. Whether or not he puts his hand on life is debatable, but I figured, all things have to start somewhere. I just dont believe in the manifestation of a higher power handed down to humanity in the form of a set of beliefs set about by different religions.

That doesn't mean I dont respect religion. I do. I believe that it helps people set their precepts on life, and gives people a direction. In many ways, religion is a good thing. (Lets not include dark ages when men killed in the name of religion, ok?)

Fear isn't something I'd relate to religion though. I can be scared about a lot of things, but most of them are from daily every day stuff. A deadline I can't finish, an important promise I can't keep, and that inevitable feeling of desperation you feel when you think something is coming.

Which leads me to the central topic of my entry. I had a nightmare. We all have nightmares, right? Most of the time, I just wake up, put on my "I'm driving my dreams" mode and think of something happy (like winning a million $$$), and sleep it off. By the time the next dream comes, it would've happily followed my brain, and I wake up the next morning feeling like I've won a million dollars.

Yesterday night's dream scared the heebie geebies out of me. I'd not go into the details, but it involves terrorists in malls with a churches inside. People bunched up in the church. And due to some overturn on events in my dream, the terrorists are being held on trial there. Lots of people watching. When finally someone(or something) finally gives in the final rule, these terrorists laugh out that wicked laugh, and tear down all the catholic icons, and err, underneath are the same version of the icons, but defaced. Everything else is neglible in the dream actually. Its just the defacement that's... errr.. indescribable. Defaced in the sense that they're not how we usually see these icons. The cross, the tinted windows, Jesus. I'd love to draw the picture out, as even now its still sticking in my head, even as i vainly try not to remember it.. and drawing it? no, I'd rather not. The whole thing gives new meaning to the word "Arcane". The thing is though.. the defacements feel like they might probably be... RIGHT. Which is probably worse. And the most painful is the fact that they had a huge picture of Jesus with peculiar looking eyes looking straight at everyone. Its the eyes that raise the hairs. The face is right, but the eyes look, very VERY wrong. They look huge, and protruding out from the face.

arghhh.

You know when you see something really horrible... and can't look away? all you can do is just stare and stare in horror and shock? Well, that's how it felt like.

dammit. After that, no amount of "I'm driving my dreams" pep talk had me fall back into a good sleep. The thing actually was in my head althroughout the day.

They say fear tells a lot more about a person. Well, this is one stands out very well given that "nightmare" for me is classified as vampires chasing me around town. Even then, I usually manage to force myself to take hold of the situation by telling myself that I have wings and just fly away. I never had dreams of a religious nature, and now I find myself breaking down what is it exactly is it in the dream that shook me particularly.

I hate the picture, but like I said, its not something that you can get off your head by sheer will. It stays stuck inside. I now feel the inclination to break it down to little pieces.. maybe if I figure it out, I can stop those eyes taking permanent residence in my head.

On the bright side, maybe if I find out this fundamental element, I can make money by making a horror film exactly like it.

... Its definitely the eyes. But having the eyes of an universally known religious icon makes it all the worse. Not that I believe in religion, as I've mentioned, but should it matter if it is eyes of a religious icon, and not some random man off the street, or a high level demon horde?

My stomach's starting to get queasy.

I think its much like the Mouth of Sauron in Peter Jackson's Return of The King Extended Edition. The mouth is way too big for the face. MoS wasn't as scary though. You can't tell much from a stupid mouth except that its probably got bad breath and a set of rotting cavities and an evil grin. The eyes is another thing though. Sometimes you can see intention with the eyes... and blow that up a few times bigger, even with a sincere and understanding look... I think it wouldn't help much.

Im starting to get a headache thinking about this.

I think that's how it looked like. Its the same picture. No blood. Just a pair of eyes that seem to be boring down on your soul. Not that I've got anything to hide, but the whole thing makes it look evil even with a sincere smile. Or probably just a neutral smile. Its got that I-got-you-and-youve-just-made-the-mistake-of-your-eternal-life kind of look.

Makes you think twice about what religion one - and the majority of the world - are actually following.

EGad. Im think im going to stop right now!