Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Staying away from XXX music

Due to this related post, I think its better steer clear of Tori Amos, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Evanescence and other morbid sounding tunes.

I cant believe time will come that I'd listen to something remotely sounding like boybands, the irritation is more than I can bear. but this is good as any, unless I want to initiate a heart attack.

Yes, lots of boybands and lots of sugar.

Say Grace!

Today is a very productive day.

After having to wade through several days of back and shoulder pains as well as a buzzing headache, I have managed to successfully not peek at any non work related websites. Not that going through these sites aren't entertaining; they are. But when you feel like you have a day long hangover, it helps not to concentrate on any single thing. In honor of my week-long headache while staring at lines and lines of server statistics and try to make sense out of 12 digit numbers the whole day for the past week while my headache faithfully accompanies me, I'd like to say thanks to some web blogs that help me keep my sanity:

JonnyB's private secret diary
SaneScientist
Random Acts of Reality

These blogs are absolutely a lifesaver. Makes me keep my head attached to my body.

Cheers.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Nightmare #1

Im not a particularly religious person. Technically, I'm a Catholic, I was baptized when I was a baby. My parents are Buddhists. They regularly go on their religious trips, and I tag along, to accompany them, enjoy the scenery, as well as help handle all the extra baggages they intend to carry if I don't come along. I have 3 sibs, and I'm not sure what exactly they believe in. I'm pretty much as ignorant towards religion as you can get when it comes to beliefs and practices. But I do believe there's some sort of higher power up there. Whether or not he puts his hand on life is debatable, but I figured, all things have to start somewhere. I just dont believe in the manifestation of a higher power handed down to humanity in the form of a set of beliefs set about by different religions.

That doesn't mean I dont respect religion. I do. I believe that it helps people set their precepts on life, and gives people a direction. In many ways, religion is a good thing. (Lets not include dark ages when men killed in the name of religion, ok?)

Fear isn't something I'd relate to religion though. I can be scared about a lot of things, but most of them are from daily every day stuff. A deadline I can't finish, an important promise I can't keep, and that inevitable feeling of desperation you feel when you think something is coming.

Which leads me to the central topic of my entry. I had a nightmare. We all have nightmares, right? Most of the time, I just wake up, put on my "I'm driving my dreams" mode and think of something happy (like winning a million $$$), and sleep it off. By the time the next dream comes, it would've happily followed my brain, and I wake up the next morning feeling like I've won a million dollars.

Yesterday night's dream scared the heebie geebies out of me. I'd not go into the details, but it involves terrorists in malls with a churches inside. People bunched up in the church. And due to some overturn on events in my dream, the terrorists are being held on trial there. Lots of people watching. When finally someone(or something) finally gives in the final rule, these terrorists laugh out that wicked laugh, and tear down all the catholic icons, and err, underneath are the same version of the icons, but defaced. Everything else is neglible in the dream actually. Its just the defacement that's... errr.. indescribable. Defaced in the sense that they're not how we usually see these icons. The cross, the tinted windows, Jesus. I'd love to draw the picture out, as even now its still sticking in my head, even as i vainly try not to remember it.. and drawing it? no, I'd rather not. The whole thing gives new meaning to the word "Arcane". The thing is though.. the defacements feel like they might probably be... RIGHT. Which is probably worse. And the most painful is the fact that they had a huge picture of Jesus with peculiar looking eyes looking straight at everyone. Its the eyes that raise the hairs. The face is right, but the eyes look, very VERY wrong. They look huge, and protruding out from the face.

arghhh.

You know when you see something really horrible... and can't look away? all you can do is just stare and stare in horror and shock? Well, that's how it felt like.

dammit. After that, no amount of "I'm driving my dreams" pep talk had me fall back into a good sleep. The thing actually was in my head althroughout the day.

They say fear tells a lot more about a person. Well, this is one stands out very well given that "nightmare" for me is classified as vampires chasing me around town. Even then, I usually manage to force myself to take hold of the situation by telling myself that I have wings and just fly away. I never had dreams of a religious nature, and now I find myself breaking down what is it exactly is it in the dream that shook me particularly.

I hate the picture, but like I said, its not something that you can get off your head by sheer will. It stays stuck inside. I now feel the inclination to break it down to little pieces.. maybe if I figure it out, I can stop those eyes taking permanent residence in my head.

On the bright side, maybe if I find out this fundamental element, I can make money by making a horror film exactly like it.

... Its definitely the eyes. But having the eyes of an universally known religious icon makes it all the worse. Not that I believe in religion, as I've mentioned, but should it matter if it is eyes of a religious icon, and not some random man off the street, or a high level demon horde?

My stomach's starting to get queasy.

I think its much like the Mouth of Sauron in Peter Jackson's Return of The King Extended Edition. The mouth is way too big for the face. MoS wasn't as scary though. You can't tell much from a stupid mouth except that its probably got bad breath and a set of rotting cavities and an evil grin. The eyes is another thing though. Sometimes you can see intention with the eyes... and blow that up a few times bigger, even with a sincere and understanding look... I think it wouldn't help much.

Im starting to get a headache thinking about this.

I think that's how it looked like. Its the same picture. No blood. Just a pair of eyes that seem to be boring down on your soul. Not that I've got anything to hide, but the whole thing makes it look evil even with a sincere smile. Or probably just a neutral smile. Its got that I-got-you-and-youve-just-made-the-mistake-of-your-eternal-life kind of look.

Makes you think twice about what religion one - and the majority of the world - are actually following.

EGad. Im think im going to stop right now!

Monday, March 21, 2005

Scratch Pad (And Today's Words Are...)

When in doubt, get pen and paper, and write randomly.

I stare at the piece of flyer I got from the computer mall 3 months ago. (as a side note, if and when one runs out of paper to write on, and feeling a bit cheap, head to the nearest computer mall as they give out flyers and flyers of paper with quotations on the latest system setup. This would include system specs like CPU, memory, HD, combo DVD/DVDR specs, but conveniently, these will all be printed on one side. The other side is completely blank, and you can play origami god while not worried about the costs of colored paper. Also, one can use them as a nice placemat when eating in front of the computer to catch the vestiges of a messy eater. But for our special purposes today, they are used as what God has made them to be used for - to be written on.)

In various styles of handwriting:

"Oracle Corporation"
"Oracle Corporation"
"Oracle Corporation"
"Oracle Corporation"
"Oracle Corporation"

Other miscellaneous words around the paper:
"Kill Bill"
"Bored"
"General Motors"
"Jardine Fleming"

Hrruuummm, haaarrrrruuuum.

Doesn't make much sense. But it does make me feel a bit better.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Caged

And thus I sit here, waiting for the clock to strike 5pm.

The longer hand reaches 12, and to my utter dismay, my colleague is MIA.

Leaving the station to be manned by myself only. Me and only me. To support the whole office to their computer related problems, and well as monitor the production systems.

Having 3 or more man team has its advantages. There's the share of workload, the share of responsibility, and the chance to be able to take a vacation when you feel the creep of burning yourself out and approaching the path of no return.

Today I find myself not having that luxury. My manager has gone home, very sick and throwing up every thing that he ingests (or so he says) and my coworker has gone to an offsite location to support the VP of operation on an pc related issue. He's been gone since morning, and hasn 't been back ever since.

I glanced around our area. Deserted. IT Ghost Town.

No one is here, except me.

I look at the watch. The moving hands have repositioned themselves at the "2" mark. I glanced desperately around hoping that my colleague would miraculously appear sitting across me doing his job. I hit a few keystrokes and search for the word "desperation" on my computer screen. I tried my luck with "boredom". No go. I recheck the clock again. Halfway between "2" and "3". I scan through WilWheaton.net, having discovered a blog that had interesting and funny tidbits written by an actor who actually doesn't sound like one. Unfortunately, although very funny, this read doesn't alleviate me from my frustration.

My eyes dart towards the direction of my PC clock: "3". Where is my colleague??? I had several errands I need to run before I head off towards the comforts of my home: A gift to deliver. Some DVDs needed to be checked out. Very over due library books. Picking up a long awaited Terry Pratchett book that I haven't been able to find anywhere at public libraries in the vicinity, so I had resorted to spending HK$2.5 to reserve a book and have it sent to the library I usually go to. And my back has been eagerly helping out in creating a micro-panic inside my head. Jabs of pain hit several times throughout the day as my shoulder snaps itself against what I imagine as a bloated and oh-so-very-tense and bruising left shoulder joint. If I concentrate enough on my shoulders, I believe I can make it pop out and let it sprout dark angelic wings like those seen on Gabriel's back on the latest Keanu Reeves movie, Constantine.

Would've been cool though. Scare the hell out of my officemates (and the office) and it'll be officially declared "empty office with no one to support", where I can gleefully disregard waiting for my teammate and step out of the office and just damn hell fly away.

I can't wait. "4".

.... "4:15"
.... "4:30"
.... "4:35"

.... "4:50"... He's here! Hoooray! *grabs my bag and rushes out to the office door* Have a nice day everyone!

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Freedom

... is the feeling that you get when running and panting hour long on a jogging track in the middle of a very congested city.

... is the warm safe security of being tucked underneath your bed on a freezing winter's night.

... is the burst of sweet sound of violins flawlessly flowing on a perfectly played orchestral piece in a empty, silent theater.

... is lazily sitting on a bench in a park staring as a Lemon Eucalyptus tree rustle its leaves to answer the slight, steady wind coming from the South.

... is the weird feeling you get after having constant, non-stop 17 hour working days for two months, both at home and in the office, finally finishing the work up, then unexpectedly having a strange dilemma at home - you don't know what to do because there's no more work to be done.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

...

As you can see, Im bored :P

Alias Commentary

** In case you havent seen the show Alias, this entry has some spoilers, so if you're thinking of watching Alias soon, you might not want to read this. :)

I havent really written any thing like this, but Im in dire need of venting out something with the show. And I just need to vent this out!

As you have noticed, I've been watching Alias, and for some time now.

I've had some fascination with the relationship that the main character, a CIA double agent called Sydney Bristow, has with a so called arch nemesis named Julian Sark. Both are equally capable and skilled in the spy business, and they seemed to loathe each other with a passion. Actually, its just the main character that loathes the arch nemesis. The bad guy seems to have some sort of fascination with Sydney, and there are a number of times, when forced to work together, that they generate such a humourous sarcastic banter, which I believe a lot of audiences enjoy watching.

I've looked about in the net to find that there seems to be tons of fans that feel the same way.

I believe that their teamup is one of the most interesting things to happen within the TV show's run since it started.

Granted, the show has a lot of interesting twists to keep its audience engaged, particularly a interesting plotline relating to Sydney's mother, a presumed dead but very alive character in the series, that the others enjoy. But when it comes to tension, there seems to be a fascinating relationship between opposite sexes, regardless of which side the character is on.

Another one of the many male character that Sydney engages in is a former CIA handler turned teammate and colleague called Michael Vaughn. In the series, the two have developed an on-and-off, rollercoaster relationship with morals, professionalism and other ladies in the male agent's life that creates tension between them.

After 4 seasons of this, the whole thing gets a bit boring.

Comparatively, Vaughn and Sark is like light and day. The first is a good guy, the second one is bad. Thankfully, the show has somewhat created twists that enable Sydney to work together with the bad guy, and as I've mentioned, it does have its perks. From here we can see the potential relationships compared.

Sark gives the impression of being arrogant, self assured, and dangerous and intellegent. Emotions are not the thing for this character. He goes from one employer to another always with a strategy to inject himself into the organization for his own plans. Occasionally he has worked with the good guys in exchange for freedom or whatever what not. He is manipulative, calculating and thinking character. His motivations are portrayed as on self preservation.

On the other hand, Vaughn, being the good guy, exemplifies principles. Typical good guy, romantic, vunerable, determined. Unfortunately, the character also bends toward the emotional, which, although is a good trait when implemented in positive situations, has the disastrous side effect when exposed to negative ones. Although I believe that Vaughn has an intellegent side to him,(otherwise he wouldnt be in a important position in the CIA side) in the show he has yet to show any credible indications of this. He seems to be going around in a wild goose chase between love and revenge and frustration. This poses as an extremely weak character prone to emotional distresses. However, he seems to be sweet and romantic, so in the TV world, this is somehow a good thing.

I am disappointed to find out what after 4 seasons, the good guy has still the ongoings of a per season-per episode a different emotional distress. If it is not his attraction towards Sydney that he deems violates this professional relationship, it is being attached to a girlfriend that he has been going out with before he met the main character. Afterwards, it is his emotional frustration and hate towards the main character's mother which murdered his father in the past. Or having a wife and still being attracted to the main character. Forget everything that has happened, in the series, Sydney is the one thing great enough to break all his bonds and also the creator his frustrations. It makes up some story within the story, but this is a poor motivation to keep a character. Despite the tension this creates in a short term basis, the whole thing gets world weary after 4 years of the series' run time. The character feels like something plucked out of a soap opera. For the show writers' information, Alias is NOT a soap opera.

Going to the other side, the writers have actually started writing off the Sark guy. What shows to be an interesting relationship between two characters is turned into a joke and shows a weird underside of story making. They have dropped several story arcs that would have engaged a more interesting future nemesis/character for the show. Instead, they have tried to retain the bad guy using him as fillers for the story, particularly in its third season.

Poor use of the resources, I'd say.

I've read several fanfictions over the net that have interesting story twists in them for the character Sark. Although most are centered towards romance between the Sydney and Sark, there are a couple which points into interesting directions. Although the romance part wouldn't be a bad idea, it would something I'd probably leave for later. Maybe it'd get cheesy along the way. But for now the banter and competition between two extremely talented spy agents seem to be interesting enough. I am just very tempted to ask the writers to create a romance between Sark and Sydney, particularly because they have created such a weak character like Vaughn to partner with the main character. Sure the fluttery sensation you get when you see romance on screen is there, but in the end he serves such a weak character, its an insult to the viewers to show this type of development. It might've been better to just kill the Vaughn character and propel the story in another direction. I have no problems with the actor portraying the character, but the way they've developed Vaughn, it seems like there's no more chance for redemption. In all honesty, I'd rather like the main character's other friend, Will Tippin, since he is seems more stable and more flexible, and I think would be better to propel the story while letting Sydney have a relationship without the mushiness involved that seems uncharacteristic for a spy show like Alias.

But as expected, this character hasn't been introduced again and just written off the script, too.

One would think what the writers of this tv show is cooking up for the next season and onwards. Its no wonder that there are already propaganda to "Save Alias". Now if the writers in the show would just wise up, Im sure there's really no need to have THAT kind of propaganda continuing; they have made interesting episodes in the first and of the second season. The third was extremely silly imho. Im glad that there is some improvement in the current season, but not enough to warrant a job well done. I'm not with Alias being discontinued, but I'd like the writers to put a little more effort and planning into its storylines. There is potential there, but they are mostly wasting it. They should take 24 as an example for storyline continuity and plot twists, in the sense that although 24 did have its bumps, I did try to make up once they got to their next episode.

Enough venting out for one day. If someone who reads this decides to shoot me in the head (particularly those whom I've stumbled on the net as Vaughn admirers) any opinion is welcome, just not physically violent ones. I just think they need to put some spine into the storytelling so I can continue watching the series without having to routinely cringe at some episode twist that doesn't seem to be something in a used-to-be-great tv show like Alias.