Out of Whack (A Yearly Personal Assessment)

When was the last time you've reassessed yourself?

I seem to be cut off from the normal going ons of the social world.

You know how some people will listen to a conversation, and then talk and be able to carry a good conversation because they completely understand the conversation even if they've just tuned in for 2 minutes? And you know there are people who totally try to tune in for the same amount of time, and when he starts to talk, he speaks an entirely different topic altogether because he didn't catch on?

Well, my antenna seems to be out of alignment.

For the past week, I've been talking to several different people.. people who don't know who I really know or I am close with, either by appointment or circumstance. And I think I've just been acting like an a$$ because I'm not quick enough to catch on, or merely assumed that they simply can react correctly based on how I am and what kind of personality I have, just from a few minutes of interaction.

I suppose its because I carry on going about within the same familiar circles that I've been with for the past few years - college friends, long time officemates, hong kong barkadas, family - and I don't make friends easily, or do it naturally on a regular basis. This whole circumstantial exchange between three different people last week suddenly make me curious about my personality. So I'd like to do a quick assessment of myself, and also do a bit of quick research, and ended up with the following:

I know I like to be comfortable with my surroundings before doing anything brash or innovative or fancy. I'm a bit eccentric on occasion, and most probably also a bit egocentric. My personality veers more towards dyadic interactions, particularly ones where I can concentrate more on one person rather than having to juggle between knowing a group of new friends. A couple of free online personality tests, particularly Meyer-Briggs personality tests, indicate that I'm a INTJ personality (Introverted Intuitive Thinking Judging), and somewhat slightly hovering also towards INFJ (Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judging), but not as much. Personally, I feel more complementary towards being an INTJ rather than a INFJ personality, based on my readings.

As a short run down of an INTJ personality, we're characterized as an ideal people, primarily assessing the world with our intuition. We like playing around with possibilities in our heads... thoughts of "what ifs" and "maybe ifs" dominate our minds, and like to always think about the immeasurable possibilities, given the time and resource. We also like specializing and excelling in particular things or areas, so in effect, we may seem very short handed and lacking in other areas where we don't concentrate our thoughts to. Unfortunately, this overall attitude may result in the lack of ability to express our thoughts. In one of the personality websites I've looked into regarding the INTJ personality, it describes this weakness as the following: Unless they[INTJs] complement their intuitive understanding with a well-developed ability to express their insights, they may find themselves frequently misunderstood. In these cases, INTJs tend to blame misunderstandings on the limitations of the other party, rather than on their own difficulty in expressing themselves. This tendency may cause the INTJ to dismiss others input too quickly, and to become generally arrogant and elitist.

I certainly gives a bit of perspective to my personality, especially where it seems to count nowadays - when I simply meet with new people and tend to come out with the wrong types of responses and impressions. Three encounteres this past week, and I personally thought that they seem to come out with a less than desirable outcome than what I would've expected them to be. In some cases I even ended up very frustrated and angry at the opposite party, but now that I think about it, it may also be my deficiency. I suppose it is something that I think I'll have to be looking into and developing in the very near future.

In some ways, this also gives an insight to my current standing at the moment: We tend to become a bit comfortable with our close network of friends, and simply begin to assume that the rest of the world is also as understanding as our long time friends. Friends and loved ones sometimes are taken for granted because of this, and I'd like to give my friends the respect and appreciation that they are due for having me as their friend/relative/loved one for so long.

Little things do count a lot, and regardless, I'm glad that the short encounters I've experienced for the past week have given fruit to a whole slew of insights about myself and my personality. Best of all, I'd like to thank the many people who's put up with my eccentric quirks, just because they've been with me for so long.

I think personal assessments like this are in order, particularly for people who's "stabilized" into a regular routine for some time already. There's nothing better than injecting a new factor into the whole "life" routine equation, one that makes you go "wow", and you come to realize new things, and appreciate others that have been taken for granted. Needless to say, I'm equally thankful, and even though at this point in time, I'm still out of whack, there's no better step than to actually admit and realize the problem itself exists.

So, if you don't mind, my dear readers, being an INTJ personality type, I'd like to contemplate on my problem a bit more. Thank you for your understanding and cooperation :)