Distanced Self

I'm feeling a bit weird these days. As if I was disjointed from my body and consciousness and am just as free as a bird. I can see myself from a third person's point of view, but more to the point, I've been imagining myself distancing from myself as a human.

Its a strange thought. Humanity has been differentiated from animals because we have the capacity to have self awareness. We can do abstraction, and apply different events and cases to ourselves based on other's experiences. And right now its the self awareness of thinking about life in general that has taken up residence in my head. Due to the third person and distanced perspective, all of these questions do not actually have a negative nuance. Its just general curiousity with a bit of expletives. These few questions are:

1. This is weird, why the hell am I alive?
2. This is amazing shit. I actually know I'm alive. Is there some sort of reason I'm given this consciousness, fulfill some sort of purpose maybe?
3. When I grow old and die, (or maybe be killed accidentally or murderously) does life end there? (i.e. Is there an afterlife? does a higher being exist?)
4. How would I know what that purpose (my life's purpose) is?
4. Is destiny for real? Or I'm just lucky to have been given this set of consciousness, and there's actually no purpose that im supposed to do, im just a lucky sonofabitch, and I'm left to do my "thang"?
5. Despite the fact that I live in fear, stress and anxiety with a 9 hour daily weekday job, I'm still rather conscious that I can do whatever I want. It feels rather nice. I wonder if i can do barbeque in the office for lunch?

This gives new meaning to the thought that "God has given man free will", and life is actually a God given blessing. No that i actually believe in a God though. But it still pises me off that's there's an idea floating around that we're destined do to something in our lives (predestiny), as well as leave fate to drive wherever we're going. I thought I was the one who's supposed to be behind the steering wheel? If everything is predestined, then I'm not exactly driving the wheel now, am i?

I shake the matter off, ignore the thought of predestiny and fate, and continue believing that I'm free to my own devices. Only because it agrees with me more and leaves me in a nice, cheery disposition.

I shall treat each day as a new one and have no responsibilities.

Now if I just try to map out what I want to do with my life. Most of them feels tasteless.. If there is no afterlife, and my life stops at death, then there is no point in worrying too much about the future. If there is an afterlife, I should probably be safe enough to at least do good deeds instead of robbing the bank and murdering annoying people. I am in the urge of experimenting with different things as of the moment.

Shaving my hair all off comes to mind. I shall have to make preparations for it soon.