Missing

Do you ever have those days when you feel that there is something missing?

You have the time on your hands, you have the cash... but you seem to still come home empty handed.

What is it about people that makes you want to be with them more when you're alone?

I've never experienced this before, but recently, I've been feeling more and more "attuned" to many people that I've just met. A lot of them I feel like I know and am comfortable with, to the point of them being "very" familiar, and yet, to my knowledge and experience, I have not even spent 24 hours with them. Its quite peculiar assumption/conclusion to begin with. And strangely enough, a handful of events recently feel "repeated". So many things that seem to have already happened, like deja vu.

But then I realize that the people, they don't seem to feel the same way, or are not willing to spend time with me. And if it was one of those familiar events that seemed like I've felt I've lived through already somewhere in the past, no one seems to acknowledge that it has ever happened. Nobody knows.

But I do.

Familiarity without any confirmation or recognition is quite a strange thing... Its like having a big secret that you can never share with anyone because you clearly know that no one will listen because for them it seems absurd. Its like shouting out the truth about the universe... knowing well that it is the truth, but that to other people it seemed so incredulous, and in the end, they feel you are quite crazy... So you end up alone, with just your thoughts.

I quite feel misunderstood today. And it feels very lonely.

And the worst part about it, is that no one did anything bad. Things just happen normally. People go about their lives, socialize, spend their days together, and eventually say goodbye. It is just that there is something that I feel I know, but I cannot share with anyone, and no one can seem to relate with me. Loneliness like this is such a strange thing.

Honestly, I feel very much like Homer's Cassandra at the moment. I wonder when it will go away... seems like I'm going to a more sentimental end today.